Yes mom, Oh no! I really don’t want to talk to you What? Food? I never eat on time. Na I didn’t get the fruits either Haven’t even seen an apple in three years Yeah I’ll forget to call dad as well I have no idea, what you have been trying to say for the last 30 minutes Yeah, cause I zoned out Listen my friend isn’t coming Yeah, my friend isn’t coming Saying this to cut the call abruptly Oye, Average! Hmm? I know you have a submission tomorrow and it makes no sense Let’s go out for drinks? Are you mad? Ask me twice then I’ll say yes Come on Let me be a bad influence on you, na Let me ruin your life It’s going to be fun! I told you right? If you ask one more time I’ll give in Aren’t you gonna miss job opportunities for me? I’m telling you for last time I’m coming with you To hell with jobs Let’s leave now Come! Guys! I just checked the notice board and guess what? What? Placements start next week What? And engineering anthem drops in 3 2 ♪Why did I jump classes♪ ♪Dropping my GPA to a low♪ ♪All ’cause of Priya♪ ♪Ended with two backlogs♪ ♪Counter Strike or DOTA♪ ♪What do I put in my CV?♪ ♪A pro at one tip one hand♪ ♪Why should anyone hire him?♪ ♪Run the godown♪ ♪I can’t godown♪ ♪I want a job♪ ♪One more…♪ ♪Sixty?♪ ♪I need to stop and get a…♪ ♪Don’t want to get an MTech from here♪ ♪Maybe I was a BCom kind of guy♪ ♪What hurts the most♪ ♪Is that I never learnt the guitar♪ Very good, guys! Can anyone tell me? What is this? Sir! Yes? Sir, ass, sir Very good Very good! But whose? That is the question! Yes? Sir, your? Nice! And who will kiss it? We will! I like it! I like it! But why? That is the question! Sir! Yes? Because you are the Training and Placements Officer and it’s you who brings companies to our college? Very good! Really good! Thank you, sir So on that note, let’s welcome Mr. Overpaid Executive of Generic IT Company Give him a big hand! Yeah! Hello guys Though there are 2753 companies in India but let me mislead you into believing that if you don’t get placed here then your life is over So without wasting anymore time let us waste some more time to watch our Corporate AV AV will start with a random adjective and then one more adjective Together they will become our company motto Radjective Check out our office complex We are selling you the monotony of routine packaged as the good life Check out this pool table Play for more than five minutes and the HR will note it down Check out our corporate canteen it’s got corporate AC corporate flooring and corporate diarrhea and now we’ll show random foreigners so that you think our company has international appeal White people! Wow! You might think this is a candid shot but we’ve been shooting this for the past two days Wow! We can be seen! The work environment here is horrible And my boss abuses me at least twice daily It just ruins my day Also, there’s late nights, no overtime pay, and casual sexism and you know what the amazing thing is? Mid through my talking, the shot will cut and I will finish her sentence We can’t even die peacefully My wife left me I have forgotten how to fap We are broken from the inside We are all fucked! And now the time for the slide that you all have been waiting for The cutoff percentage Looks like tonight I’ll have to update my CV 35 companies have come Yet we aren’t able to clear the cutoff I don’t understand it Neither did we study Nor we did attend classes or finish the projects Hmm We drank so much and we aren’t that talented either Then why aren’t we making it? You’re right, man Why are you upset? Dude, Facebook had an interview and they rejected me You can get placed in any company in the world! Enough with the whining already Weren’t the Facebook interviews yesterday? Yeah So where were you today? In the lab downstairs for the Google interview And? And what? I got selected but Facebook… Wait, what? You got selected by Google? Yeah You mean you got placed in the biggest company in the world? No! Anything? I mean Google selected me but they aren’t the biggest company If you see they are more medium sized You life is set! No, man! You can’t call this set! Anything? I mean life is going on like everyone else’s… “Set!” Excuse me, are you Mr. Overachiever Gokhale? Yeah? Sir, your annual package has increased from a million to a hundred million You’ll earn a hundred million? No, man! Anything? You’ll believe anything you hear? That’s just on paper After tax and deductions… it’s hardly anything Not so much Sir, sir The company’s also gifting you a brand new Audi You! You’re getting an Audi! No, man! It’s all talk Not going to happen It’s just something they say Asshole! You’re sitting in the car! No, dude! What are you saying? Inside! Am I in the car, Failure? What? What yes? So where’s he then? Where’s he sitting? On top? Come on you guys Sir, sir, sir One minute, sir The company is giving you an IPL team as well No no no! Na! Na! Na! You’re getting an IPL team! No dude, as in- I got a team but we”ll lose Auctions went really bad Sir Your team has both Dhoni and Kohli Will you shut up? I’ll climb out to hit you! Shut up! And the bowling is also weak… Come on… You never know about the pitch Playing away is also an issue Our team isn’t that great We don’t have a fielding coach Come on! Average! Failure! The aptitude test starts in 2 hours Hurry Up Where’s my bag? Let’s go Your college has most of its students passing by rote learning so the only way we can find out if you have genuine problem solving skills is by asking you to solve this lame logical reasoning question Given this information it can be deduced that A-this is the first question So you’ll waste most of your time on this Hmm That I shall B-This option looks correct C Fuck! This one too looks correct Option D Correct answer Can’t be the correct answer Oye! No way it’s the correct answer What? Tell me the answer for 4-C Give me two minutes What? Option B? No! Give me two minutes! How is it option B? I’m getting option A! I’m telling you for the third time give me two minutes Not 3-B! Need the answer for 4-C Forget 4-C Tell me about 7-D 4! 3! English Three words Three words, three vowels Jisse dhundhta hoon main (Hindi song lyrics) Penguins can fly? Idiot! Horse! Senapati Bapat Road Saree in a saree Kshatriya Amitabh Bachchan Eklavya! Acidity I am going to shout at someone else! Time announcement cause I am bored! Hmm Your head has filled up with a lot of random thoughts Why did Nayan Mongia say ‘Aaiga’ so much while wicket keeping? Do these wicket keepers poop in the Indian style? Okay, students Time for you to discuss question paper outside and cry over your fate that you cannot change now I will now snatch your paper one by one and give chance to back benchers to cheat Give your paper I want to eat samosas That was easy! Great! Give it to me! No sir! I said give it to me! No sir! What I couldn’t solve in the last 2 hours I will solve in the next 2 seconds Give it! If my samosas go cold I’ll burn these papers and warm them up Sir, I’ll heat your samosas Look, I’m warning you Look! The paper is tearing! Fooled you!