So Albert. Do you feel like discussing
your problem? Why? What problem? You’re my problem! Who said anything about a problem? Churchill tells me you’ve been … wetting the bed. No I haven’t! He’s lying. You’re all liars! Oh Einstein, please don’t get on the
denial train. Once you’re on it the only stops are Depression Junction, Self-Loathing Station, and East Suicide Lane. “Ahhhh … my psyche…” I don’t get it. I’m a genius! Geniuses can’t be bed-wetters. I mean have you seen my test scores? Have you read my theorems? Hmm, it is true that geniuses are very rarely abnormal… How could you?! How could you do that to Pigeon?! It was natural selection! I was gentle! What was I saying? Ah, it doesn’t matter. Let’s see if we can get to the heart… of your disgusting condition. Tell me, are you experiencing any strange dreams? Dreams? No! No. Nope. I don’t want to talk about it! Just as well. I don’t put much stock into that nonsense anymore. But I have noticed you haven’t mentioned wanting to have sex with your mother… Most unusual… Alright we’re done. But we haven’t even talked about your erections yet! Stupid Freud. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s not even a real scientist anyway. Okay. Don’t. Wet. The bed. You’re a genius. You’re a genius. You’re a geniu… zzzzz. Noooooooo! Carl Jung. How have you been my old pupil? Still have your “psychiatry” practice? How is the palm reading business these days? Ah, Sigmund. Still as clever as you ever were. And by that I mean … … not very. Drop the act Jung! Why did you want to meet me? What kind of scheme are you planning
this time? I’ve got no scheme you sex-obsessed, narcissistic old pervert. I just think I might be able to help you with that patient you’re currently having trouble with. Unless of course you like going through bed sheets as if they were tissues. In cold and flu season! Ah ha ha ha ha! How did you even hear about that? I have my sources. Quite. Indeed. Well, I’m sad to say you’ve
wasted your time. I don’t believe in yourbrand of hogwash, and even if I did I wouldn’t come to you for help if you were the last psychiatrist on Earth. That’s too bad. I suppose I’ll just have to take my new highly-experimental invasive device to someone who might want to experiment on his patient without their knowledge or consent. Go on… Introducing the Dream Intruder 2000! Observe. Hello. A nice day. it’s great being a people. Hello lady people. May I smell your butts? Yes. Smell my butts. It’s great being a people. Ho ho! Wunderbar! With this device I’ll be able to see into Einstein’s dream and figure out what’s causing him to pee the bed. The Dream Intruder 2000 wasn’t designed to merely view someone’s dream, but to actually enter their dream! And it would work … if … if only. If only what? Well, if only it had more processing power. But for that I’d need some sort of … I don’t know … … super computer. Well, there is Z3… Oh that’s right! Sigmund what a great idea. We could use the Z3! Freud you are so smart. And well connected. Well, I have always considered myself very resourceful. That’s right Sigmund. So very, very
resourceful. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hee hee hee! He thinks he’s people. And so I told him he had cancer and he was going to die. You said this was a funny story! Ha ha ha ha. Cancer… Well, I’m pickled good and proper. I’m off to bed. Unless one of you lovely ladies … No. Ah Yorkshire pudding. Freud, what are you doing? Who’s that? What’s going on?! Shh shh shh shh shhhhh. With Z3 powering the Dream Intruder 2000, the dreams of anyone in the base will be your proverbial playground. I’ll just put this doodad on your head and once you’re asleep you’ll be connected. Hmm, I’m not actually that sleepy. The machine will take care of that too. It’s all very scientific. Hmm, each door must lead to a different dream. But which one leads to Einstein’s dream? Well, I always say “When looking for a teenager just follow the terrible music”. And I would take you on long walks on
the water … yeah. Yeah. Very romantic Bachelor #2.
Bachelor #2 everyone! And our third bachelor has just joined
us. This contestant has whoopy on his mind at home and on the job. There’s no such thing as not-safe-for-work as far as he’s concerned. Please welcome Bachelor #3! All right Bachelorette. Time to get to know our handsome contestants. Bachelor #1.
What would you say is your best feature? Um, me … me big club? Ho ho! That’s what I like to hear! Ha cha cha! Tapputi? Wait. You’re one of the contestants? Well there goes my lady boner. Phase 7 complete. Congratulations Prime Minister Churchill! You’ve done it! What are you bloody going on about Chamberlain? Why, you’ve ended the war old sport. All wars are over. I freakin’ love you Joe. No, I love you Frankie! Are you guys watching? I’m gonna do it! Cannonball! But … but I have so many strategies to use. So many speeches to give! No need for those old sport. I dare say you can quietly retire and just … fade away. There we go. And now just to put in the last… Oh no! I win mating season! I’m the fittest. I am the fittest! You’ve all been DARWINATED! I get to pass on my genetic material and achieve biological immortality! Yes!! Attaboy Charlie … attaboy! There we go. And done. Phase 10 compl… Whaaaat? I told you. You can get them back when you learn how to say “Skłodowska” properly. Oh for frank’s sake. Shlit. Forking. Duck. God dam. Heck. Darn. Ow! Friend it! Finally, I’ve reached Einstein’s dream. Now to see if I can figure out what’s making him pee the bed. Hey! What are you doing here? Isn’t it enough I have to deal with you when I’m awake, now I have to dream about you too!? No, no, no. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m the real Freud. I’m just visiting your dream using a very sophisticated probing device. What? I
don’t want that. There are things in here I don’t want anyone to see. Albert! Oh no. What’s taking so long? You promised me we were going to do some experimenting today. Ho ho! Very interesting! Please, please proceed with your “experimenting”. Just pretend I’m not here… Oh god. At last! Time for Phase 12! And click. Albert! No! My sweetness! What’s happening? I don’t know! Jung? Jung? Are you out there? What’s happening? Jung? Carl Jung? He’s here too? He was monitoring everything from the
waking world. But he doesn’t seem to be there anymore. Maybe he fell asleep. Oh that would be so like him. But if he did we should be able to find him in the dream world. Quickly, this way. This must be Jung’s dream. Aw, it’s so much bigger than mine. He did fall asleep, that lazy oaf. Step right up! Ride the memories of Carl Jung. Get to know his real individual self. I didn’t realize Jung had this big an ego. Yeah, it’s like some kind of “super ego”. Step right up. Ride the memories of Carl Jung! As a child Carl was happy-go-lucky, except for his mother being visited by decapitated spirits each night. After university, his father died leaving him destitute. So Carl married a woman from a wealthy family and his troubles were over! But then he had a vision of the 1st World War where the seas turn to blood… …and he was drafted as an army doctor! Booooooriiiiing! Oh look, here comes the parts with me! The unconscious is only driven by sexual urges. I politely disagree. The unconscious is only driven by sexual urges. I politely disagree. That’s not quite I remember that happening. Carl Jung. What a boob. Ha. Ha. Ha. Carl Jung. What a boob. Ha. Ha. Ha. Hehe, but that’s exactly how I remember that happening. My revenge is at “hand”. Pee. Pee. My revenge is at “hand”. Pee. Pee. Peeeeee. That son of a bitch! He was the reason I was peeing the bed! But why? By invading their dreams I will force all of London to follow the Jungian methods… …and reject the Freudian methods. Welcome Sigmund! To the arena of London’s collective unconscious! I’m impressed Jung. You were able to accomplish all this simply by making young Einstein here wet the bed. Okay, you don’t have to say that quite so loud. Every night for weeks! This is all just a dream everyone! Albert Einstein does not wet the bed. And it was all worth it Sigmund, for once I defeat you in front of all of London, your popularity is going to take a… …Freudian “dip”. Run along Einstein. Things are about to get… Psychoanalytical! Fine! But you better kick his ass. Guy owes me for laundry. Let’s see how you like a little… Typologous Introvertus! Eh, I just feel like staying in tonight… Sex! Staying in and having a wank! Woo hoo! That was just a warm-up. How about… Typologous Extrovertous! I will go out tonight and meet new people! Sex! People to have casual sex with! You do this every time! And I can do this all night
long. Ow. Hm. We shall see. London! I summon your… …inner voices! Sex. Sex! SEX! Damn you people! Is banging your co-workers and sexy cousins all you ever think of?! Ah young Jung. You still have so much to
learn! The only reason anyone gets up in the morning goes to work, has a hobby, plays cricket, runs for office, gives back rubs or even engages in polite conversation is to get some sex! I feel… …sticky. It would seem the pupil remains the pupil. Well, I’m just glad we got to the bottom of this or bedwetting mystery. Yep, it was that dastardly Carl Jung all along. Really though, you wet the bed because of a little bit of warm water. Are you sure it wasn’t because of your weak child bladder? It would have happened to anyone! Huh? Dash it all Philipp! What kind of chinless, weak-willed
no good son wets the bed? A worthless one that’s what kind. No wonder your mother left! Now that was a good night’s sleep. Hmm? You see a pale blue dot on the horizon. Your party ventures toward it. Where is the Mountain Dew?